


The way you love me

by Emiliana11



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: After episode 1x13, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-06-08 09:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiliana11/pseuds/Emiliana11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been one week since the day Magnus woke Jocelyn ap. And since then he had not heard one word from Alec.  Following the call of the head of the New Yorker institute he went to check upon the wards, hoping to at least get a glimpse at Alexander. </p><p>The outcome at the end of this day was nothing Magnus saw coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, here is a new story of mine. I hope you like it.

Magnus had been vary as he entered the New Yorker Institute on a Sunday evening. It has been one week since the day he woke Jocelyn from her sleep-coma, one week since the short conversation between him and Alexander regarding his immortality. And since then he had neither seen nor heard from the Shadowhunter. 

When Jocelyn had embraced her daughter in a calming hug Alec had retreaded like the warrior he was, silently and without anyone knowing. Magnus had sent him a glance when he felt him moving, but the dark haired man had avoided his eyes. It had sent a spike of hurt through his heart but the blank expression on his faced had betrayed nothing. 

Since then he had waited day in day out for a sign from Alexander. A call, a text, a fire massage, anything. But nothing came. And with the days passing by Magnus had become restless, his fear of having lost Alec before anything began dragging him down. But he did not approach the young Shadowhunter. He would give him time, space to figure out what he wanted. And besides, Alec had more important things to take care of than to think of the hurt feelings of on Downworlders. 

It hurt, more and more each day. But he would endure the pain, for Alexander.

When he got the fire message from the head of the institute a few hours back, he was ecstatic at first, imagining that the message came from Alec. Only that it didn’t. It came from the head of the institute yes, but it came from Lydia. Kindly asking him to come and check on the wards he put on the institute. 

He had swallowed around the knot that had formed in his throat, gritted his teeth together and opened a portal to the institute. Checking on the protection wards, because Lydia asked him to, was the least he could do for her. And besides those wards also protected the people he cared about. Clary, Jocelyn, Isabelle and most of all Alec.

He was greeted with silence, the halls nearly empty which was not something to wonder about. Since the day that Jace went with Valentine every Shadowhunter at the institute was at high alert, always busy trying to find any trace of Valentine, or Jace. 

He knew it would be futile though. He himself tried every day to find any trace of Jace or even Valentine. He had not told anyone about this, him trying to find the Shadowhunters. Nobody asked him to do so, but he did, every day, for Alec. And if it left him weak and at the edge of passing out every end of a day, no one needed to know that either. 

Fortunately he had not started his daily search today, otherwise he would not have enough energy left to strengthen the wards. 

Without being disturbed Magnus began to check on each of the wards, adding extra strength to all of them. He had no idea how long he had been working on the wards when he came aware of a presence behind him. 

Curious he turned, to be met with non-other than Lydia Branwell. “Hello Magnus, thank you for coming.” She smiled at him, but he could see that it was a little bit forced. Her wounds had been bad and he had done everything in his power to heal her, but he knew some wounds took time to heal completely. She still seemed to be in some pain. He could help her with that, if she would let him. He owned her so much, if not at least a chance with Alexander. 

“Good evening, Lydia. How are you feeling?”

“Still a little sore.” She said with a grimacing smile. “I am sorry for calling you again to check the wards. But with everything going on, protecting this place is more important than it ever was.” 

“You do not have to apologize dear. I understand fully. You still seem in pain. May I?” he asked, gesturing with one hand towards her. 

“You don’t have to really.” She assured him with a real smile. “I know checking the wards must be draining, too. No need to waste your magic on me.”

Magnus took a few steps towards her, a genuine smile on his lips. “It would not be wasted. Besides I just finished with the wards. They are all intact and I added some strength to all of them. They will hold should this place be attacked.”

“You really don’t need to.” Lydia tried to assure him. “But I want to.” 

With a sigh Lydia shrugs her shoulders one time and smiles. “Okay. Follow me to the infirmary.” 

Falling on step behind her, none of the two noticed a pair of golden brown eyes watching them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this will be enough of me ranting but I would also like to read what you think about my thoughts. See you next time and I would love to hear how you liked this chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your comments ^^  
> Without further notice here is chapter 2. Not beta read, all mistakes are mine.

After Lydia took a seat at one of the infirmary beds Magnus stated with his healing magic. “I am sorry that I cannot completely heal your wounds. But I can numb the pain further and though make the healing process a bit faster.” He half explained half apologized while working his magic.

Lydia just shook her head. “It is okay.”

They were silent for a moment before Lydia began again. “I did not see you around at the institute in the last week. I kind of expected to see you more often here now.”

Magnus tensed for a moment, he knew what she was going at. And he was not really comfortable to discuss this matter with, well anyone. But he owed her and he had the feeling he could trust her with this. “Well we have all been busy these last days, haven’t we?”

Magnus prayed for his voice to sound calmer than he felt. Her suggestion hit quite close to home but she did not want to hurt him, of that he was sure. 

“That is true, but I thought … after what happened at the wedding, that the two of you would … you know, meet more often? That maybe you would be here more often, trying to help? Or something?” She sounded unsure how to word her thoughts. 

Magnus had to fight the bitter smile that wanted to rise on his lips. 

“When was the last time the two of you have seen each other, or spoken to each other?” Her tone was careful, like she was afraid to step onto a frozen lake where the ice was just millimeters thick. 

And Magnus had to swallow. “To be honest” he sighed “I have not seen nor heard from Alexander since the day I woke up Jocelyn.” 

He could see Lydia’s eyebrows rising. “Why not?” 

Oh the Shadowhunters these days.

“He has not contacted me.” Was his simple answer, which caused her eyebrows to rise even higher.

“And why did you not contact him?”

There was silence for a few moments before Magnus had collected himself enough to answer without giving away how affected he was by the fact. 

“I have no intention to pressure Alexander to do anything that he does not want to. I want to take things slow. We both know that this is still new to Alec. And I will give him the space he needs to figure out on his own what he wants and what he does not. To be honest with you, I worried that if I move to fast, that I will spoke him away. That is the last think I want to do because I really want to give us a try, if he wants to.” 

“Well if you ask me, I think he definitively wants to give you two a try.” He could hear the laugh in Lydia’s voice, which made him smile a little less forced. He knew Lydia had no hard feelings towards any of them, she really was a good person.

“None the less, Alec has other things on his mind right now. More important things. The most precious possession of the Shadowhunter is in the hands of the last person it should be and his parabatei is gone. And contrary to what most people think I know how important the parabatei-bond is to you Nephilim. So it is only normal that all of Alec’s thought belong to his missing other half and that he is doing everything in his power to find him. I have no intention of interposing. Alec had to choose between decisions enough already in his life. I do not plan to make him choose between more things than he needs to.” 

He really should keep his mouth shut, but somehow it was impossible to do so in Lydia’s company. Since Ragnor’s death, he had no one he could consult about his feelings, speak about his worries and fears. And he knew that this conversation would stay between the two of them. Lydia would not use this information against him, or wore against Alec. 

“Do you fear that if Alec had to choose between you and his parabatei …. that he would not choose you?”

Lydia saw Magnus flinch, his eyes hardening and he swallowed with difficulty. Clearing his throat he tried to ignore the comment. “Your injuries should be fine now. If the pain comes back please do not hesitate to call me I am glad to help you with them.” 

Without waiting for a response the high warlock rose from his position and turned around to march out of the infirmary when Lydia’s voice stopped him.

“I am right aren’t I? You are afraid he will not choose you.” She was not asking unkindly, but with emphasis. 

His back still to Lydia, Magnus voice war bare of any emotion. “I do not fear that Alexander will not choose me if he had to choose between Jace and me.” He had to swallow before he could form the next sentence that squeezed his heart painfully but he knew was true none the less. “I know that he will not choose me.” 

Even if he tried, he could not hide the pain in his tone completely. And he cursed himself inside for not being able to.

Composing himself Magnus turned slowly back to Lydia who had a surprised expression on her face. 

Magnus tried to offer an understanding smile. “And why would he? I am just a Downworlder and Jace is his parabatei, his brother, his other half. I will not force Alec to make this decision because I already know the outcome. It would be the death sentence to everything we could have. I can only hope that with time his feelings for me will grow. And that maybe someday he will … he would … consider choosing me over something important in his life.” 

It was suddenly hard to breath, because even if Magnus knew what he said was all true, it was unbelievable hard to admit it out loud, because this made it devastatingly real. 

Seeing the female Shadowhunter speechless he turned again to leave the room. He had already said too much when again Lydia’s words made his movements stop.

“You shouldn’t underestimate the depths of Alec’s feelings for you, Magnus.”

Seeing the high warlock falter in his steps put a triumphant smile on Lydia’s lips.

“Magnus look at me, please.”

Sighing deeply, Magnus closed his eyes briefly, before opening them again and turning back towards Lydia which had a determined look in her eyes.

“Do not make the mistake to underestimate his feelings for you, Magnus. He kissed you in front of his family, his parents, knowing they would not approve. He kissed you in front of his siblings and friend knowing they would. He kissed you in front of the whole clave, the most important people of the Shadowhunters. Do you realize how big this is? He could have gotten his marks stripped off for doing so.”

Lydia meant to assure Magnus with her words that Alec really had strong feelings for the warlock, but her words missed the intention completely when Magnus became deathly pale, his eyes widening in utter shock with his mouth open.

“What?”

It was breathy, disbelieving, scared.

Now it was Lydia’s turn to raise her eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean ‘what’? Surely you must know that the rules normally forbid for a Shadowhunter and a Downworlder to be a couple and even more so if they have the same gender.”

Magnus felt like he could not breath, his lungs were not working anymore and he could not get in enough oxygen for his body to work properly. Dark spots began to dance before is open eyes and he had to sit down on the next chair to not crumble right on the spot. “Strip him … off … his marks?” 

“Yes? Did you … not know this?” Lydia got the feeling that maybe she created more damage than she mended things with this apparently new information for the warlock. But then again, the Nephilim were not so happy with sharing this much information about their rules with Downworlders. 

Could warlocks get a heart attack? Because Magnus felt damn much like he was having one right now. His breaths came short and shallow, his heart was beating so fast that he was sure Lydia could hear it on the other side of the room, he could hear his blood rushing in his ears and he began to feel lightheaded. 

Putting his head in his hands and propping his arms on his knees Magnus tried to calm down. Alec had mentioned something like this when he had tried to make him see what they felt for each other. But Magnus had thought that Alexander was overreacting. That he was exaggerating because he was still in denial about the fact that he was gay and he had this stupid idea that he had to give up his whole life to do what was right for his family. He did not consider that he was wrong and that Alec really could lose everything he had if he got involved with Magnus in a romantic way. 

Without really noticing Magnus started rambling. 

“How can they do that? Just because of whom you love …? You cannot decide on who you fall in love with! How can you punish someone for falling in love with someone not being a Shadowhunter or with someone of the same gender? How can they take that away … they cannot. They cannot take being a Shadowhunter away from Alexander. It’s all he has ever known. They cannot take this away from him … they cannot do this they can’t …” 

“MAGNUS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am mean but this is all for today. ^^  
> See you next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you for your Kudos and comments. ^^   
> Before I go on vacation you will get another chapter of this story. I hope you will enjoy it and that maybe you like where this is going.

Someone gripping his shoulders and shaking him got Magnus of his trance. He was staring wide eyed into Lydia’s blue ones which were laced with concern. 

“Magnus calm down. They will not take Alec’s marks away, I am pretty sure of it. Think about it rationally. We are at the brink of war, we need everyone and every help we can get. They will not strip one of the best Shadowhunters of New York off his marks now because he turned out being gay.”

It was quiet for a few moments aside from Magnus still too loud and to fast breathing.

“Please.” It sounded broken.

“Lydia, please tell me I did not destroy his whole future just because …. just because I could not keep my feelings at bay.”

It was a desperate plea, laced with so much hurt and self-loathing Lydia had never before seen in her life in one person. 

Gripping his shoulders even tighter and looking the warlock straight in the eyes Lydia spoke to him with a voice full of authority.

“Magnus, if the Clave had planned to strip Alec off his marks they would have already done that. They are not really hesitating in exercising such decisions. Besides there is nothing that can be done about it now. What’s done is done. Alec made his decision, he knew what he was doing. He knew what the consequences could be. Don’t think him a fool, not regarding this. And like I said, we need every Shadowhunter we can get.”

Lydia was proud of her speech, she just hoped that it hit home with Magnus, from the way he was still looking at her, she highly doubted it.

And in the next second, Magnus buried his face in his hands again.

“What have I done?” Thanks to the improved hearing Lydia was able to catch that.

“What have you done? You set him free Magnus. We both know that Alec would have never been happy if he had married me. We would have been friends, yes. But more, definitively not. Just answer me one question. Do you regret it?”

“If I destroyed Alexander’s life and took everything from him that he loves and cherishes, yes I regret that. That is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I never wanted to hurt him. Gosh what have I done?”

Lydia really had to fight the urge to hit him, hard. But violence would not get her anywhere, mostly just get the warlock angry and you did not want the high warlock of Brooklyn angry at you.

“That is not what I asked. And by the way, say he will be stripped off his marks, what are you planning to do then. Leave him to deal with it on his own? Toss him aside because he is not a Shadowhunter anymore? Not part of our world? Does he mean so little to you?”

She knew the answer to her questions already, but right now she needed Magnus to say it for him to believe it.

“Of cause NOT. I would NEVER do that, I would NEVER toss him away. I would do everything in my power to help him adjust. To give him everything he needs. I will always be there for him whenever he needs me. I will never regret him.”

Sighing Magnus shook his head defeated. “But I don’t think that he would want me anywhere near him if that would happen. I am to blame for that. And who would want the person that caused all this pain near them and helping. All I want is for him to be happy.” 

Magnus was wringing his hands nervously, deep in thoughts. And now Lydia could see just how defeated he looked, and how tired. She saw it the moment she spotted him at the institute. He looked worn out. But she had no idea why. 

“Maybe it would be better if I stayed away from him. The clave did not take his marks from him until now, but that does not mean that they will not do so in the future. If me staying away from him helps to prevent this from happening … “ His voice cracked. “… then I should better stay away from him.”

He felt so tired, and he did not have the energy to keep it from showing. Searching for Jace everyday showed its effects on him. 

“By the angel you will do no such thing. With Jace missing he is on the edge enough already. If you stay away from him now he may collapse completely. Did it not occur to you that you are one of the things that give him the strength to go on?”

“If this was true than he has a very interesting way of showing that.” 

Magnus closed his eyes, he was so tired.

“Are you okay, Magnus? You look extremely tired. The whole time, this is not like you. What have you been doing the last days?”

Worrying his lip between his teeth, Magnus decided that he could as well tell her that, she knew nearly the whole mess already, why not let her in on this secret, too.  
“I have been trying to find Jace or Valentine since the day he went with him. I did not want to tell anyone in case I would find nothing and they would be disappointed. But until now, I could not find anything, no clue, nothing to track. I tried every spell I could think of, I researched if there are other ways to find him, but nothing came out of it.” Apart from the exhaustion.

And there it started to dawn on Lydia. He was doing all that without being asked to. He searched for Jace, a Shadowhunter that he had no real connection to, every day exhausting himself. And more importantly without expecting anything in return. She knew how much his services cost the Shadowhunters. She had paid the bill for creating the wards on the institute. 

She knew why he did it, who he did it for. She was not stupid but the realization made her gasp none the less. 

“You love him. You really truly love him, don’t you? That’s why you do this without anyone knowing. Without asking for anything in return. You do it for him.”

Her only answer was silence, but it was as good as any other answer really.

“By the angel.” The Shadowhunter breathed. She knew that Magnus liked Alec, but she also knew about his reputation. And his complete behavior spoke volumes of how deeply he felt for the young Shadowhunter. “Does he know that?” She could only whisper, like this was a secret no one dared to know.

“No he doesn’t. And please do not tell him this. It is far too really to burden him with the depths of my feelings for him. I don’t want him to feel obligated to feel the same or to act on it. It is okay I can wait. If I have something, it is time.” He joked halfhearted. Because in this situation they were all in right now, immortality meant nothing. 

Unfortunately he was not the only one who saw it like this.

“With Valentine having the mortal Cup, we both know that this statement is not as true as you want it to be. No one of us knows how much time we have left, mortal or immortal. Anyone of us could die the next day. I know it, you know it and everyone else knows it.”

“Of cause I know this.” Well at least he was looking at her again.

“But it does not change anything.” Hearing Lydia sigh deeply and dramatically again, Magnus knew that she could not understand him completely. She did not know about Alec’s feelings for Jace, feelings that went deeper than the parabatei-bond. Or better the feelings Alec thought he had for Jace. But none the less Jace was extremely important to Alec and his happiness. So if Magnus could do something to help in finding and bringing Jace back where he belonged, he would also be part of the source of Alec’s happiness. He did not expect anyone to thank him for trying, hell he did not even want anyone to know he even tried. He just wanted Alec to be happy, and if he would smile at him again when Jace was back and the dark haired Shadowhunter did not have to worry every minute about his parabatei and maybe spare a thought for Magnus, than that was all he could hope for. 

Although Magnus had to admit to himself that he was a bit insecure of how this could affect his relationship with Alec. Sure Alec had kisses him in front of everyone important, but maybe he really was just a way to break free without anyone realizing what feelings he had hidden for his parabatei for so long. By Lilith he was over 400 years old and a barely adult Shadowhunter made him insecure like a little school boy. 

“By the angel, you really love him. You know you could go into hiding and wait this whole mess out until it is safe again. A lot of Downworlders would do this, but you do not, you stay and put yourself in danger for him. So stop dragging yourself down any further. You know how much he is worth, and I am sure if you would just tell Alec a tiny bit of what you just told me I am sure he would assure you that you are worth it, too.”

“The things you do for love.” It was still a little sad, but Magnus smile was not so devastated anymore. In Lydia’s eyes it was a start.

“And I have to admit you are a better man than I thought you would be, from having heard quite a lot about you. But I am glad that I got to know this side of you. It makes me feel like I know the Magnus my ancestor Henry Branwell knew, he spoke so highly of you in his letters you know.”

This got a smile from both of them. “Yes Henry was one of the finest Shadowhunters I have known. And I am glad that I got to meet you too Lydia.”

“Although I promised myself that I would not interfere with your relationship, please listen to my advice. I know you told me you do not want Alec to know all these things right now so I promise that I will not tell him. But Magnus, do not wait too long to tell him okay? Like I said, no one of us knows how much time is left for us.”

“You are right. I will think about it.” 

Feeling slightly better Magnus stood up from his chair and straighten his jacket. Preparing himself to leave the institute, for real this time when a voice that sent shivers down his spine and made his heart beat faster reached his ears.

“Lydia, are you here? Oh …” 

In the entrance to the infirmary stood none other than the cause of Magnus’s current misère, Alexander Lightwood who looked like a deer caught in headlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is it, for now. I know mean ending but hey I need to keep you guys interested somehow ^^   
> Writing this chapter was really fun because I quite like Lydia, when I first heard about her I was like "oh sweet angel NO" but when we got to know her I was like "oh shit I like her", so please anybody who does not like her that is ok, but please accept that she is an important part of this story.   
> So I know the books and I really hope that Alec already DOES love Magnus when he kissed him at his wedding, but given that he knew what could happen to him when the Clave found out about him being gay gives me hope that his feelings already are strong for him. Please writers of the Shadowhunter TV show give us a lot of Malec in season 2 (and not too much headache). 
> 
> So this will be enough of me ranting but I would also like to read what you think about my thoughts. See you next time and I would love to hear how you liked this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, without many words here is the next chapter.

“Alec, what can I help you with?” Lydia put on a happy smile while standing up. Magnus on the other hand felt like he had to sit back down again. 

An uneasy feeling made its way to the bottom of his stomach. He had not felt Alec approaching the infirmary nor had he heard him. Which was worrying, considering that he always could feel Alec. Another statement of how low his magical powers were right now.

And he was sure he was staring. But could anyone blame him? He had not seen Alexander since 6 days 22 hours and approximately 29 minutes (but who was counting, not Magnus noooo). 

All the confidence that Lydia had talked into him minutes ago seems to fly right out of the window. What if Alec did not want to see him yet? He did not even address Magnus till now.

But apparently Alec was kind of surprised himself, if the open hanging mouth and the gaping like a fish was any indication to go by. 

“Um … I was searching for you. You were not in the office when I went there to give you the reports about the latest demon activity in the high alerted security sectors in New York that you wanted to see. So I came to look for you.” Alec explained, with a short side-glance to Magnus.

It made Magnus heart contract. What had he expected Alec to do? Pull Magnus into his strong arms and kiss him hello after they had not seen each other for what felt like eternity to him? Who could blame him if he did? And who could blame him for the pain he felt for not getting any greeting at all.

But now Alec was directing his gaze to Magnus. 

“I am sorry, hello Magnus. What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Did something happen?” 

With the first sentence Alec looked kind of sorry for not addressing Magnus earlier, with the following questions he began to look more and more concerned. 

Wanting the Shadowhunter not to worry Magnus assured him that everything is just fine.

“Lydia sent me a message asking me to check the wards of the institute, which I came to do. No one was in the hallways so I simply got to work. When I was finished I bumped into Lydia and she told me she still had some trouble with an injury from …. the latest encounter. I offered to help her with that and she agreed. So we ended up hear, that is all.”

Magnus was so proud of himself that he got his voice to be steady and slightly flirtatious, an easy smile on his lips. Making Alec worry would not sit well with any of them right now.

Clapping his hands together in front of his chest, Magnus put on a fake gentle smile before addressing Alec.

“I will not disturb you any longer. The two of you have important matters to discuss I am sure.” Directed to Lydia he said. “Remember, if you still have trouble do not hesitate to call me.” When he got a short smile as an answer he turned back to Alec. 

He smiled soothingly at the young Shadowhunter before casting down his eyes when he took the first steps towards the exit of the infirmary. 

Only to be stopped by a hand on his wrist when he passed Alec. 

His skin felt like it was on fire where it was touched by Alec. His warmth seeping into his lately slightly colder skin. 

“Magnus could you wait a minute for me? We … um … we need to talk. I just have to discuss a few things with Lydia. If that is okay?” Alec made sure that Magnus agreed, suddenly he appeared to be nervous. 

And Magnus felt sick. He could feel his fake smile slipping slightly but he forced it back on quickly. He just prayed that Alec did not realize that it did not reach his eyes.

“Of cause. I will wait outside the infirmary to give you privacy.”

And with that he nearly fled the room to wait for Alexander, already missing the warmth that he felt from the younger Shadowhunter.

Alec followed Magnus with his eyes when he left the room, letting out a small sigh before turning back to Lydia who was looking at him rather insistent.

“Lydia um … look I …” Before he could really think about something to say Lydia beat him to it.

“It is okay Alec. Got talk to Magnus, the angel knows you two need it. When was the last time you saw each other or talked? It has to be a few days. Go take a night off, I can handle the institute alone for one night.”

When he took a breath to object, she holds up a finger to silence him. “No I mean it. I will be fine. Go. I will tell Isabelle that you are with Magnus tonight. And I promise in case something important happens that I will call you right away, deal?”

Alec pursed his lips together. It was true he needed to talk to Magnus desperately. And he was not sure how long this would take. So finally he agreed with a short nod before turning on his heels and joining Magnus outside of the room.

When Magnus was out of sight he began fumbling with the rings on his fingers. A bad habit that he had carried with him for decades now when he was nervous. And he was, as much as he was afraid. ‘We need to talk’ never indicated something good. Dread poled in his stomach when Magnus realized that this could be it, the end. The end of something that never really began. 

Maybe that was the reason why Alexander had not contacted him at all. It was the first part of letting him know that he did not want to be with him, that the kiss had been a mistake. That he did not want Magnus …

Before Magnus could complete this thought, he heard hurried footsteps approaching.

Swallowing on last time and taking a deep breath, Magnus turned to Alec, fake smile in place.

“Alexander, what did you want to talk to me about?” As if he did not know. But faking ignorance for a moment longer would not hurt him … at least not more than he already was hurting. And like this he could look at his … no this angel a moment longer.

And his nervous angel was back, shifting his gaze from Magnus eyes to the side and back again. Like he did not want to do what he knew he had to do, like when Alec told Magnus that he proposed to Lydia. 

“Um ... could we … could we discuss this somewhere more … private?” Alec looked over his shoulder, checking if they somebody was observing them. 

Magnus pressed his lips into a thin line for only a second before nodding. This works with him just fine. If Alec wanted to break things up with Magnus doing it at his loft would be best for Magnus. He did not have to go back to his place if he was already there, he could ask Alec kindly to leave, maybe offer him a portal back to the institute. With Valentine on the run he did not want Alec to walk back to the institute alone, even if he was about to break his heart. And the moment Alec left the loft and probably his life, Magnus could barricade himself in his loft and break down without anyone noticing. 

Yes, this sounded like a plan.

Calling on his warlock powers Magnus waved his left hand in a flourish gesture and the portal to his loft came to life. 

He gestures for Alec to go first. The young Shadowhunter gave Magnus a short worried glance before he set his shoulders straight and stepped through the portal. 

Not five seconds after him, Magnus went through the portal. When he arrived home he turned his back to Alec to close the portal off. He also used this moment to take a slow deep breath, trying to prepare himself mentally for the pain and the heartbreak that was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand cut, for now. See you in the next chapter *runs away to hide*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you all for your comments ^^  
> I know I am a horrible tease but no more words here is the next chapter. We are nearly at the end of the story. Enjoy.

When Magnus turned around to face Alec again, he did not look at him and his feet took him past Alexander, making a bee-line for the cocktail bar. 

“Would you like something to drink?”

Magnus had already raised his hand to magic them a drink. He did not trust his hands to not shake enough that he could make them drinks with his own hands. 

He did not expect however that, again, his wrist would be gripped in a tight but not hurting embrace of a strong hand.

Alec’s hand.

“Stop it.” 

It was a command, and then it was not, not really. It was not said unkind, but with pressure, and dare Magnus say he heard a hint of worry in that voice?

Having no strength left to fight him, Magnus could do nothing but follow when Alec turned him back around so that he could see straight into Magnus dark brown, human eyes. 

All the high warlock could do was to swallow thickly, pressing his teeth together and pray that he could hold back the tears long enough.

“Stop using magic. You look downright exhausted. You have exerted yourself enough already for today. You need to rest.”

And now Magnus is looking at the Shadowhunter as if he had grown a second head. Eyes wide, mouth open, arms going limp.

Sensing his surprise and the emotional tumult inside of Magnus, Alec decided to follow his heart and instincts instead of his head right now. He only hoped that he would no screw this up.

Oh so gently he grasped Magnus face with both hands, tilting his head so they were staring right into each other’s eyes. Alec had taken a few steps while doing so, closing the remaining distance between the two men, only a few centimeters between their body’s remained. 

“I know what you are doing.” 

His voice was soft, kind, understanding and did completely not sound like he was going to rip Magnus heart out and crush it under the agonizing truth that he did not want Magnus the way Magnus wanted Alec.

“And I appreciate what you are trying to do. But you have to stop.”

Magnus swallowed now for completely different reasons. Alec was so close.

“I … I don’t know what you are talking about.” Magnus had to wet his lips, they have become very dry suddenly. His breath hitched a bit when he saw Alec following the movement of his tongue, his eyes not leaving his lips. 

“I know you are trying to find Jace. I know that Clary is hurting and you want to make her happy by finding Jace. But you are not helping anyone if you collapse from using too much magic. And knowing you, you do it daily.”

Magnus could only shake his head slowly from one side to the other. How was it possible for this boy not to see that he did it all for him.

“You are right, I am trying to find Jace. But I am not doing it for Clary. Well okay I do it for her, too. But she is not the main reason why I try to find Jace. You are. I am doing it for you. And I know …” He had to swallow again, thinking about what he would say next. How he should choose his words to not drive Alec further away from him. 

“I know that you did not ask me to do this. And I assure you I am doing it of my own free will. I do not expect anything from you for this in return, I hope you know that. I am doing this because I want to do it. For you.”

Magnus heard Alec taking a frustrated breath through his nose, a reliable signal that he was either frustrated or angry and trying to hold said anger back. It was not good either way and Magnus found himself opening his eyes again (when had he closed them?) to look anxious into those gold-brown eyes of the man he loved so deeply.

“Don’t. Don’t do that, not for me. Don’t burn yourself out for me. That can’t be good for your health either way.”

“Oh Alexander.” It sounded breathy, like a caress to his very soul. Alec shuddered.

“You seem to forget that I am the high warlock of Brooklyn. I am not weak. My magic is quite powerful let me tell you. I do not run out of magic that fast. I dare to say I am practically resilient.”

It was supposed to lighten the mood between them and to sooth the worries that had risen in Alexander heart. But from the look on the others face, it did the complete opposite.

The grip of Alec’s hands on either of his cheeks got a little harder, not hurting but firmer and Alec looked at Magnus like he thought that he was at fault for Magnus condition and blamed himself for it.

“No you are not. I have seen proof of that with my own eyes, remember? When you healed Luke, when you asked for me … when I entered your loft you were on the brink of collapsing. If I had not caught you … you are not indestructible and you know that. So please, please do not exhaust yourself for me that you are in danger to collapse again. Last time I was there to catch you, but who is going to catch you when I am not with you to do so?”

And all Magnus could do was stare at this amazing, caring person with wide shining eyes and his mouth slightly agape. 

Magnus could not remember when anyone, excluding Ragnor, Catarina and Tessa, was so worried about Magnus wellbeing. All the people that approach him do so for their own benefit, because they want something from him, because he could be useful to them. And this half-angel, this Nephilim boy, a child of the race that looked down on him even though they needed his help more often than they liked to admit, did not want Magnus to use his powers because he was worried about his health. 

But all thoughts flew out of his mind, when he felt warm lips pressing against his own.

A soft whimper escaped Magnus lips as he closed his eyes, returning the kiss with everything he had.

God how he had missed this, how had he longed to feel Alec’s lips against his again. And Alec kissed him with so much passion, such longing, as if he was not the only one that had been starving for the touch of the loved one. 

And through Magnus wanted to take things slow, he could not keep himself from winding his arms around Alec’s neck, one hand gliding through the silky dark locks, the other holding on tight.

Magnus could feel Alec moaning against his mouth and without warning he let his tongue slide over Alexander’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. 

A gasp from the younger boy granted him the entrance he craved. 

The high warlock felt Alec’s arms coming around his waist, caging him safe and secure against the strong hard body of the Shadowhunter when he pushed his tongue inside of Alec’s hot mouth, letting the tip glide over his teeth, briefly touching the others tongue, teasing, tasting, asking.

He knew that the younger man had practically no experience with kissing, but by all that what was holy he made Magnus want him which such a force it left him weak in his knees. 

And because Magnus felt already weak before the kiss, his legs decided to give out under him completely. All the buildup tension slipped from him in on instant, leaving him dizzy and weightless. Thankfully Alec had his arms around Magnus, so when he felt the warlock slipping, he caught him and steadied him against his chest. 

“Magnus! Are you alright?”

Alec’s voice was filled with worry. When he felt the warlock sinking into his arms he had given his lips free to see if he was okay. 

Breathing fast and shallow Alec looked worried at Magnus face, who’s head was resting against Alec’s chest, trying to open his eyes and willing them back to focus. 

“I am fine, Alexander don’t worry.” 

‘Fine my ass’, Alec thought.

Without waiting Alec secured his grip on Magnus hip before he scoped him up effortlessly, caring him into his bedroom where he laid Magnus carefully down onto the soft sheets. 

The moment his arms were free again, Alec started to stand to get Magnus something to drink. But when a hand gripped his wrist weak but firm, he stopped in his movements and looked back to Magnus.

In one fluent motion Alec knelt down beside the bed, looking at Magnus from below while he took the hand that held him between his two hands, holding Magnus hand like it was fragile.

“Tell me what you need, honestly.”

Without missing a beat, and without really thinking about it, Magnus blurted the first and only thing that came to mind.

“You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that is it for now ^^. You did not really think that I would break those two apart now did you.  
> Comments are always appreciated. See you next time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I am sorry it took me so long to finish the story (work and life you know what I mean ^^)
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and thoughts. Here is the last chapter of “the way you love me”. Thank you for staying with me and the story till the end. I hope you like it.

The answer got a smile on Alec’s lips when he remembered the last time the warlock had told him that. Back then he had not been able to, not allowed to give him what he wanted, what they both needed. But now, he could.

Bringing his hand to his mouth the Shadowhunter kissed it lovingly, never breaking the eye contact he held with Magnus. He could practically see Magnus shudder. And it made butterflies flutter in his chest.

“You have me.” He assured and his heart skipped a beat when Magnus eyes turned golden with slit pupils only for a moment.

“Take my strength. If it helps you to regain some of your power, take it. It’s yours.”

At his words, Magnus could feel warmth grow inside of him. This boy was more than he deserved. 

Smiling, Magnus shook his head no. 

“I am alright Alexander, it is not necessary for me to take some of your strength. Just having you here is enough for me.”

And it was. Being separated from his angel got Magnus on the edge the whole time. He felt giddy, unbalanced. But with Alec finally being right here beside him it was like he was finally complete again. All he wanted was to curl up against Alec and rest in his warm embrace. 

“Why won’t you take some of my strength? You power yourself out for my sake. Me giving you some of my strength is only fair. I hate it when someone I love is hurting and if I can do something to prevent that then I will do whatever is in my power to … Magnus?”

Alec had seen Magnus tense and going rigid beneath his stare. His eyes widened and his mouth was hanging a slight open. Eyes involuntary filling with tears. And this got Alec worried. Had he said something wrong? Done something wrong? He had just asked Magnus to take some of his strength so why would he ….. oh. It occurred to the Shadowhunter just WHAT he had said to Magnus. Ooohhhhh.

As is on cue, Alec’s face was covered by a very deep blush, making his ears go red and hot.

Shit.

This was SO not the way he planned on telling Magnus about his feelings for the warlock. But he was so frustrated with himself and the warlock that he started babbling without realizing what was spilling from his lips.

That made his words not less true, by any means. Because yes he loved this sparkling, beautiful, extravagant warlock. Since the moment he laid his eyes on him when they were fighting the circle member at Magnus old place, he felt his heart beating faster whenever the warlock was near. He was reserved at the beginning, shoving his feelings far away in the deepest corner of his heart. 

He was not allowed to feel like this for the other man. But the more the warlock pushed, the more Alec felt his wards crumble. And then from one moment to the next, he was lost. Completely and utterly lost. He had been falling slowly, oh so slowly at the beginning and then he fell all at once.

The first tears were now running over the warlocks cheeks, while he had not spoken one word to Alec.

Alec felt helpless. He had no idea how to handle crying from a loved one. He could not remember the last time he cried, neither when the last time Izzy or Jace cried. He also felt really uncomfortable when Clare had been breaking down into his arms, crying when Jace went with Valentine. But with Magnus it was worse.

Alec felt his heart clench in his chest, the last thing he wanted to do was cause Magnus to cry, he wanted him happy. It could not be good for your health when you cried. 

He was about to open his mouth to apologize or say anything to sooth Magnus, when said warlock surged forward and sealed Alec’s lips in a desperate and passionate kiss.

Alec made a small sound of surprise giving Magnus enough space to slide his tongue between his lips back into his mouth. And Alec could do nothing more than to hold onto Magnus for dear life.

The way Magnus was kissing him, one arm around his neck the other griping is hair. The warlocks lips tasted salty but oh so sweet. He could taste Magnus breath in his mouth, smell his unique scent that clouded his senses.

Alec’s arms came around Magnus waist the moment their tongues touched. A lout moan ripped from his chest and when Magnus let himself fall back into the sheets, Alec went willingly, burying the smaller man’s body underneath his own, grounding him.

Knowing Magnus was safe with him, shielded by his body so nothing could harm him made Alec lightheaded. He felt like he was floating, here, with Magnus in his arms, kissing the man he loved, he felt at ease for the first time since a redhead came crashing into their lives.

Magnus felt like he could breathe easy for the first time in he did not know how long, at the same time he felt like he could not breathe at all. Alexander did a good job taking his breath away. 

Feeling the heavy warmth on top of his body, strong but gentle handy underneath his back holding him like he was something precious, Magnus felt his magic unfolding. 

He felt it curling through his stomach, spreading into his arms and legs, centering around his heart. He felt powerful, his strength back in full force.

Way too soon for his taste, they broke for air. Alec looking absolutely wrecked, his eyes shining and pupils dilated. His lips puffy and red from all the kissing. 

They were both breathing fast but Magnus felt like his heard would burst from the love he felt for the Shadowhunter that was looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered in his world. 

“Take … take my strength. It’s yours. Please”

It felt like Alec was pleading for something else, both knew it, but they would not act on it, not now at least.

A serene smile stole itself on Magnus lips. 

“Oh Alexander.”

He placed one of his hands on Alec’s left cheek, cradling his face and Magnus was sure he would purr if he could when said Shadowhunter closed his eyes and leaned into the touch like a flower bending towards the sun in desperate need for the warmth the sunrays provided. 

He could feel the warmth of Alec’s breath on his palm before warm, wet lips kissed his skin. 

“You just gave me everything I needed.”

Upon hearing Magnus words Alec opened his eyes again to look at the warlock to take him in. His eyes were bright and alive, the dark bags under them gone. His skin was the normal caramel color, the slight unhealthy tone gone too. 

Releasing a revealed breath Alexander did not realize he was holding, he let his head sink onto Magnus shoulder, his face hiding in the crook of the warlock’s neck. 

Magnus shuddered when Alec’s lips touched his neck and he felt the his breath on his skin.

Not wanting Alec to move even one inch, Magnus wound his arms around Alec’s torso, sliding his hands over the broad shoulders and down his back holding him tight, feeling the light shiver that went down the Shadowhunters spine. 

He felt the younger man’s arms tightening behind his own back, keeping him firm in place like he was afraid that Magnus would vanish if he did not hold him tight against his own body.

Magnus closed his eyes, content, savoring the feeling of peace and Alec on him.

Shielded in Alec’s warmth and scent, the high warlock of Brooklyn missed the low whisper that was spoken against his neck.

“What was that, love?”

He more felt than heard Alec groan against his skin as a result of his wording.

“Don’t leave me. Please. Don’t stay away from me.”

It was so quit, filled with longing and begging, as if Alec was afraid to show his weakness, to appear weak in the eyes of the man beneath him.

Magnus felt Alec shake slightly within his arms. Fear, anguish.

“I need you, now more than ever. You keep me grounded. So please …. please.”

Magnus felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on him. 

Alexander had heard them talking, him and Lydia. 

Oh this stupid, brave, loving Nephilim. How much had he heard? But now a lot of his behavior made sense.

Tilting his head to the side, Magnus laid a loving, gentle kiss on Alec temple. His lips lingering for several seconds.

“Of cause Alexander. Of cause I will be with you, for as long as you want me. I will not leave you.”

It was later, when the young Shadowhunter had been falling asleep in his cloth, laying half on top of Magnus, his arms still secure around the warlocks body, face hidden in the safety of his neck while Magnus also had his arms protective around the man who stole his heart and got his entire being aflame that Magnus thought about everything that happened in the last days.

While watching Alexander sleep, his face relaxed and without the worry lines that stayed almost constantly on his face for the last days, Magnus realized that he had not been the only one that had exhausted them to the brink of collapsing. 

When was the last time the young Shadowhunter had had a full night’s sleep?

The more important it was for Magnus that Alec could rest without being disturbed right now. 

He did not know what was coming their way, but he knew that they would need all the strength they could find.

And in this moment, when the nearly adult that was forced for so long to be strong all the time, to hide his true self behind a blank mask of rules and restrains and who was still forcing himself to go on until he was at the brink of breaking, lay sleeping peacefully in his arms Magnus swore to himself he would be the solid rock for Alec to stand on, the shoulder to lean and cry on if he needed, the person who would stand by his side no matter what, the one who will love him unconditionally. 

He would be everything Alexander needed him to be. Everything.

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it. The end. I hope I did not disappoint you (too much). Thank you for reading and I would still like to hear your thoughts on the final chapter. Hopefully till next time and another story.


End file.
